{Myth} It’s NOT a Burnout RELAPSE…It’s a Burnout CYCLE (& it’s NORMAL…)
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So, you were burned out...
But you got it together, got your zest back, and then a few months later…the burnout came back!
Have you ever experienced this?!
If you have—and you’re like most of the people online or that I’ve seen on social media—it’s not a good look. You get angry, frustrated, and feel like a failure for the fact that you “relapsed”. You ask yourself things, “what did I do wrong? How did I mess up? Why did it come back? It shouldn’t have come back…” and it feels like a disaster scenario. But here’s the important thing to know…
It’s not a burnout relapse…it’s a burnout cycle!
I don’t like using the word relapse for multiple reasons. Firstly, because it’s meant and initial intention is to refer to situations of addiction and substance abuse and, frankly, even if burnout feels extreme—and trust me, I know it’s a recognized medical phenomenon—it’s not the same. I also think it’s important to distinguish it from a “relapse” and to describe it differently because I want us all to get away from the negative connotation that comes with thinking of it as a “relapse"…because not all burnout that comes back is because you’re doing anything wrong.
It’s not a failure.
It’s not because you “fell of the wagon.”
And it may not be because you’re doing anything “wrong.”
In fact, in my experience, burnout coming back is incredibly normal.
The burnout cycle…
In my own experience and from the work I’ve done with clients, I noticed that we experienced in a cycle pattern. This cycle looks like this…
Stage 1: Burnout. #duh—am I right? But the important thing I want to say about this stage is that the burnout you might be experiencing at this stage might be very intense. In fact, burnout is a spectrum. So, it can turn up and ramp up over time like a dimmer switch in your living room. At this stage, we may be able to keep the burnout well-managed through self-care, good boundaries, self-awareness, efficient time management and productivity, etc. However, if we don’t, our burnout can ramp up so much during this stage that it gets to the point where it’s unbearable…unmanageable…and when it does, that’s when we go into stage 2…
Stage 2: BREAKDOWN! Again, I’m going to assume that if you’re hear, you’ve probably experienced something like this. Ultimately, the reason WHY it happens is because it’s like our bodies are forcing us to hit the reset button in our lives. Your breakdown could look like an entire weekend spent in bed watching Netflix OR it might look like 3 weeks of mandated stress leave from your job. Regardless of what it looks like, went burnout gets that bad, it’s a necessity and our bodies implore us to breakdown. It’s like our bodies’ way of saying, “Look…I can’t take this shit no more and you need to stop.” But once we break down, we…
Stage 3: BOUNCE BACK! This is that stage where you feel light—at least for a while. You emerge from your breakdown with a deep sigh and say “yup that was exactly what I need.”
Now, you might read this and say, “ya, but why is it that it comes back? Shouldn’t we just learn from the first time and have it figured out.” And the answer to that is, no! You might not be able to figure it out the first time and there’s a couple reasons for that.
When burnout comes back, it might be a different type of burnout (#shamelessplug—find out your burnout type here on my quiz), so your normal methods of coping might not work
Your burnout might come back naturally simply because you have a personality that’s susceptible to burnout (more on this later)
Now, the burnout cycle can absolutely end at stage 3. If we have predictable, manageable burnout, we can mitigate that burnout before it ramps up in that first stage by identifying and modifying the habits and behaviors that lead us to burnout. However, I hesitate to say that the burnout will be gone completely because, again, there are personalities that are just susceptible to burnout.
These personalities include:
People-pleasers because they—obviously—have trouble setting boundaries with people
Perfectionistics because they overwork to make something perfect.
Achievers (Enneagram 3s!) or an Overacheiver because we have a get shit done mentality and care a lot about how we’re seen, so we might overwork to simply make it seem like we have it all together. We also struggle to prioritize because everything seems like a priority.
Introverts because they have to be careful about managing their energy and if they’re not aware of their energy sucks, they’ll get drained and burned out.
Other Enneagram types:
Enneagram 2s (The Helper, right) might struggle because they constantly feel the need to help people (like the people-pleasers)
Enneagram 7s because they’re highly excitable and have difficulty reigning yourself in
Enneagram 8s because they have a tendencies to hide their vulnerabilities so they might get emotionally burned out
for some of these personalities
Burnout coming back is inevitable!
And I say this not to defeat you but to change the narrative + the expectation…
cause for these personalities, burnout coming back is not a failure!
I want to change the narrative because I don’t want those of us for whom burnout does naturally come back to beat ourselves up anymore. I don’t want those of us who have this recurring pattern to feel like failures.
It’s all a learning curve and the circumstances of your life are going to be constantly changing.
FULL TRANSPARENCY: I still experience burnout…
It was very easy for me to balance my business and my day job for the last 3 years…and it’s NOT anymore! My business has grown a lot over the last year and the habits and behaviors that I used to use to stay balanced just don’t work anymore. It’s become harder and harder to balance. It’s become harder and harder to figure out what I should say “yes” and “no” to. It’s become harder and harder for me to assess my bandwidth and know what I am able to take on…
Because I love this work. I’m passionate about this work. I’m connected to this work and as such, it’s been harder to set boundaries. As we talked about before, passion does not prevent burnout. In fact, it might be exactly the opposite because if you’re passionate about your work, it might be harder for you to set boundaries.
Over the last year, it’s been harder to set those boundaries. It’s been harder to not work on my days off. I’ve had to re-navigate things. I’ve had to change how I approach my to-do list, my day job and managerial responsibilities.
And that’s why I say you’re not failing!
It’s not a relapse or some big NEGATIVE THING!
It’s just a learning curve…
It’s a cycle and each time that cycle comes back around, we learn something new, but ONLY if we self-reflect. If we’re self-aware. If we slow down enough and pause enough to say, “you what, this didn’t work and I need to do something different…”
I’m not going to get into those things today, but check out this blog post and this blog post for some great places to start.
now, I want to invite you to something...
A nice little reset button on this new year!
Cuz I don’t know about you, but 2022 didn’t start off super well! In January, I had back-to-back illnesses that really made it difficult for me to get my feet underneath me and have the energy to do the things I wanted and that I cared about. After that, my personal life was just a lot and I was very emotionally triggerable. It was tough…but I got back on track!
And I recently reflected on what it is that I did to get back on track and, well, I want to share them with you to help you get back on track!
