#86 - Authenticity, Self-Judgment + Releasing Your Own Labels ft. Elena Joy Thurston
Summary
Have you ever felt like you weren't showing up as fully you? Have you ever felt like the very labels that once empowered you felt like shackles?
It's a story that's resonated with me in so many ways because it was what I experienced. But I've never heard it echoed so similarly from another person.
Today, we have Elena Joy Thurston on the podcast. She's a transformational retreat leader, inspirational speaker, writer and recently gave her first TedX talk in Colorado Springs. She's on the podcast today telling us a poignant story about authenticity, self-judgment and learning to release her own labels to step into the person she was meant to be.
I see so much of myself in this story and it resonates on so many levels. I hope you feel the same way!
For show notes, head to coachellyn.com/podcast and, of course, post on Instagram and tag me @coachellyn so that I can shout you out and say thank you!
WHAT I TALK ABOUT…
Elena’s story (and you’ll get to hear just how dang much we really enjoy each other’s company)
She’s a single momma to 4 kids, an Arizona-based public speaker, retreat leader, and so much more
Navigating some big life changes - career, marriage, etc.
As a teenager, needing to feel like she was progressing and growing + finding that in religion
When the perfect life comes crashing down…
Start when her youngest went to school and that her life started “falling apart”…
Started running and weight lifting as a way to turn her brain off…
Realizing that she was attracted to one of her female friends + trying to shut it down
“She felt like the key to my sanity…”
Not wanting to "ruin the friendship”
Anxiety and Depression got bad and was referred to a therapist to deal with this “struggle”
Realized after the fact that it was considered “conversion therapy”, which has been debunked by the Association
Went for 2 hours a day, 4 days a week for months…
Realizing throughout that therapy that she wasn’t “healed” and no longer was okay with staying in her marriage…
Not wanting to model a discomfort with intimacy between her and her husband to her children
Getting to the point where she was ready to take her like and being saved from that by a good friend
Emerging from the “Dark Ages”
The day that she was going to take her life, her friend helped her get help…
Explaining some of the behaviors she was experiencing.
Medication and how it helped get her through things…
Creating a game plan, getting really practical, and taking back her life
How her relationships with religion changed…
Having to repent for her sins and being “unworthy” in her religion
Deciding to talk to God anyway…
Going through a faith transition by spending some time with other people in the same transition (not too much, just some)
The liberation of other people feeling like or having gone through what you’ve gone through
Labels + How they can become your IDENTITY
Realizing that your labels are a part of you, but they don’t define you
How to be more authentic? Releasing your labels…and you develop your awareness around that be bringing stillness into your life!
Meditation + mindfulness for overcoming body image
Mindfulness + Why It’s so dang important to overcoming all the things that are holding you back in your life
quotes from this EPISODE
My thoughts were racing all the time and I needed them to just shut-up.
I found a lot of solace in those activities, but I realized that I was using them to run away from my life. And you can only do that for so long.
I didn’t have the self-awareness to ask myself that question: “Elena are you gay?” I just needed to shut that down.
Same sex attraction is a “struggle” in religion. Just like someone in a wheel chair. It’s a struggle. To be a good person, you figure out how to deal with your struggle…
Any therapy that tries to fix a same sex attraction that results in heteronormative attraction is considered '“conversion therapy”, has been debunked by the APA and there’s no way for practitioners to be trained in it, so it can’t even technically be called a therapy…
People who go through conversion therapy have a 60% suicide rate. That’s why 18 states have outlawed it and quite a few counties in other states. And it’s actually on the ballot in Utah right now is to ban conversion therapy for minors. And there’s a lot of conversion therapy camps in Utah, Colorado, and through the south and south east.
It’s not okay that there are people that don’t realize what’s at stake. I don’t ever want another husband or another dad to [recommend conversion therapy] and for them to not realize what they’re putting at risk. I don’t think anyone does it maliciously….but the information is not there that you’re literally putting their life at risk.
When the depression and the anxiety peak at the same time, you can hear voices. And they can tell you to harmself yourself or harm others. And that’s what it was for me. When it started, it was just my critical voice, which we’re all used to. And when it started, it was saying things that I wouldn’t’ normally say to myself which felt odd. And then those voices were screaming and it got scary.
It was like the chemicals were able to take the volume down enough so that I could sleep, function, do normal things. The little things that I needed to remind myself of who I was. And it did allow clarity…
I’m in a divorce situation. He knows I have had suicidal ideation, that I’m on medication. If he wanted to pursue sole custody, he could. So, I needed to get real functional real quick. So, I created this plan. And I was desperate. When you’re in a moment where I can lose custody of my 4 children, how can I regain my sanity as healthily as possible? And meditation became one of them. Mindfulness became one of them…I was desperate to do anything I could to get off my meds because I needed to prove I was a fit mom.
We’re juggling all these balls and we all feel that. That’s a universal feeling…And a lot of people will feel like, here I am saying: “You need mindfulness. You need to meditate. You need to journal. You need to move your body in an intentional way.” And they’ll say, “You’re just handing me another damn ball! Are you freaking kidding me? I can’t juggle that one too.” And to that I’ll say, mindfulness is not another ball. You actually don’t know this, but you’re juggling the balls with a blindfold on. When I hand you mindfulness, I’m actually taking off your blindfold so that you can actually see the damn balls you’re juggling. you’re dropping things you don’t even realize you’re dropping. And you’re tossing some of them up in the air way too. Let me take your blindfold off so you can feel and so you can actually decide which balls you want to juggle.
Resources in this episode:
Book a COMPLIMENTARY Transformation call - aka a 30 min free coaching call -here
Get your FREE DOWNLOAD - 25 Tips to Take Back Your Life - here
about today’s guest…
Elena Joy Thurston is an inspirational speaker, a transformational retreat leader, and a writer who recently gave her first Ted Talk at TedX: Colorado Springs. She grew up in a turbulent and abusive home, joined the Mormon church as a teenager, put herself through college, married and birthed 4 beautiful children, and then fell in love with a woman.
Life 2.0 brought a divorce, leaving the Mormon church, a beautiful love story and a new career!
Her mission is to empower women to free their own lives and discover parts of themselves they never knew existed. She helps women to heal their past to fully live their present and command their future.
Connect with Elena Joy Thurston: Instagram | Website
RESOURCES:
“Love Warrior” - Glennon Doyle Melton - click here
Mindfulness Plus Podcast - click here
Broken Brain Podcast - click here
Gabrielle Bernstein - click here
